Just listen.

I have been a youth pastor for a while now, almost 10 years (a few years as a volunteer and now - so weird to think about - on staff at a church for even more time than that). And there have been times when I think I've figured it out. Not all of it, but parts of it...you know? Those moments when you finally run a great event and you get a positive outcome. The times when a student makes a great life choice after you loved, prayed for and mentored them. Those moments made me feel like I got it right. And that felt so good.

Then you start going to seminary and major in spiritual formation and you begin this crazy journey where you begin to realize you know very little and everything you thought you were doing really well wasn't necessarily an act of worship to God but more a character booster for you that made you feel like you were fulfilling your life's calling. You know? Or is it just me? For a long time I thought I had to diligently force spiritual growth when I met with students (ask the right questions, do the right thing, work hard, keep praying, memorize Scripture with them, give them action steps, go. go. go.) And by force, I mean having this mentality that it was up to me to make things happen in students' lives. You know? Not that you shouldn't do those things because they are wonderful and beautiful things, but is that all? In my recent learning, it isn't.

Here is what I failed to see.

Just listen.

Listen to the Spirit of God. He is at work all of the time...even when I am not at church or with a student. And so if He's at work, I don't have to necessarily work. I can trust Him and follow Him and develop my ability to discern His voice as I pastor students who haven't yet developed the ability to listen for themselves. He knows what He is about, and I want to know what He is about.

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Listen to students. This seems so simple, but it's actually pretty stretching. Sometimes I come in with an agenda when I meet with a student. I know what they need to be challenged in and so I want to take them there, but that day all they want to talk about is something totally unassociated with the issue they're secretly dealing with.

In this moment, I just need to listen.

Listen to the story of how their mom annoyed them, their friend who gossips all the time, the class they can't seem to get a B in (don't C's stink?), that cute guy who they wish they could ask to go to Winter Formal with them.

Just listen.

Don't be passive (offer your thoughts, challenge them when they are wrong, encourage them), but don't be like I was. I had such a plan (because I knew what they needed) that I failed to listen to them. Really listen. Because when they are ready to talk about their parents' divorce or their broken relationship with their boyfriend or a terrible mistake they made, they will know that if you took the time to listen to the most simple things in their life, you will most certainly listen to the hidden parts of their hearts. And sharing life with students in an honest and meaningful way beats feeling good. It is good.